Date: On Demand (access any time)
Investment: $285 per person
(Discounts for multiple participants)
INCLUDES: One-on-One Telephone Coaching
Since the famous book ‘Emotional Intelligence’ written by Daniel Goleman in 1995, the term emotional intelligence has become one of the hottest corporate buzzwords. When the Harvard Business Review published an article on EQ, the column had a higher percentage of readers than any other article published in the Review during the previous 40 years.
In fact, when the CEO of Johnson & Johnson, a worldwide medical brand read that very article, he was so excited about the topic that he sent nearly 500 of his top executives the article to read. As you will learn today, emotional intelligence is not learned in the standard intellectual way; it must be learned and understood on an emotional level.
What is EQ?
We are all unique. We all have different beliefs, personalities, wants and needs, and many different ways of using our emotions. As you have discovered so far in life, successfully interacting with other people takes tact and ’smarts’ – especially if you hope to succeed in life. This is where emotional intelligence really becomes important.
What IQ Measures
For over a hundred years psychologists have defined, measured and used the concept of the Intelligence Quotient (IQ). IQ became the one and only way to define what makes a person intelligent.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a different type of intelligence. It’s about being “heart smart,” not just “headsmart.” The evidence shows that emotional intelligence matters probably more in life (and certainly at work) than a person’s intellectual ability
Managing Difficult Behaviour
Over the next couple of pages we will be looking at specific strategies that you should consider using from the initial approach to the conversation when encountering someone who seems difficult. While we cannot guarantee that every encounter will end in peace and harmony, you can certainly be proactive in managing these challenging relationships.
The Right Approach
Search beneath the surface for the hidden meaning
Remember that beneath the issues of every problem lays hidden fears, desires, interests, emotions and intentions that could tell you what is really wrong.
Pick the right time and place to confront the person
Where possible, pick the right time and location to talk to the person who has used inappropriate or unacceptable behaviour.
Say, “John, I would like to talk to you later on today in private. Would you be available at 3:15 p.m.? You choose the time. This puts you on the front foot!
Approach the difficult person assertively
A lack of assertiveness leads to conflict avoidance, so being assertive enables you to take charge without being pushy. Before you try and resolve a problem, ask yourself,
“What exactly is bothering me? What do I want this person to do or not do? Are my feelings in proportion to the problem?
Show respect and openness
It’s often the last thing you feel like doing, but showing respect and openness will do more to turn around bad client behaviour than almost anything else. By showing respect you do not crush the other person’s ego or dent his or her self-esteem.
Tell the person how you feel. Its About YOU!
Use the first person and start by saying, “I’m feeling irritated/annoyed/angry about….” Don’t distance yourself from your feelings with impersonal, third-person statements and generalisations such as, “When people…” or, “It can really be annoying when…” When you communicate, express your concerns using “I” statements, never YOU statements.
Focus on the problem, NOT the person
The road to better relationships and less conflict is not in the debate over who is right, but in dialogue. Not in competition over positions, but collaboration to satisfy mutual needs. Focus your conversation over what the person said or did, not who he or she is.
Do not accuse them of making YOU angry
No one has the power to make you feel anything. So instead of saying, “You make me feel angry,” say, “I feel angry when you…” Or, “Last Friday in the meeting I felt hurt by the comment about me being fat. Can I ask what you meant by that?
Acknowledge your responsibility
If you should have said or done something, you must acknowledge it. This is important, especially if the other person got angry because you did not do something you were supposed to do.
“I know I should have said something to you earlier.”
“I know you needed this by Friday, so I apologise this wasn’t done.”
Ask the other person to explain their behaviour
For example: “David, I felt hurt and embarrassed when you made that comment in front of the group. It was almost as if you were trying to embarrass me. Can I ask why you did that? “What was your intent?”
In many cases calling a person on their behaviour and asking them to explain themselves might help you understand their position, but usually it will bring into the light what is unacceptable.
Tell the other person what you want
Rather than telling the other person what you don’t want, be positive and tell him or her what you do want to happen next time. For example: “David, can we agree that next time you feel frustrated when I don’t get something done time, but you will talk to me sooner, and not use name-calling as a way of trying to get my attention?”
Why Are People Difficult?
We can all think of people who seem naturally disagreeable and have never been able to adjust from that behaviour. While some behaviour can be personally hurtful, sometimes another person’s behaviour or attitudes can simply be petty or annoying.
While there are many reasons why people can seem unreasonable or their behaviour is unacceptable, there are three core reasons why people are difficult at one time or another.
Difficult People in Life
If you were to ask twenty people to define “difficult behaviour”, you would most probably get twenty different answers. Difficult behaviour is both simple and complex as well as difficult and easy to define. Today you will explore the inner workings of difficult behaviour and conflict so that you will be able to understand why conflict occurs when dealing with this sort of behaviour and how to cope better when it does.